11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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