i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
