she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
