New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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