Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
