he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
