I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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