im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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