Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
