I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
