what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize