Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can Purell be used as lube?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
