belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
