I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
