Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize