She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
