just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
