there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize