member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
