i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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