i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
