Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
