Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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