I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
