Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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