I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
