It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
