Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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