I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I stole a fireplace last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
