I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
