Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
