WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
