He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
