You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
