It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
