Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
