You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize