I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
be right there i have to get my cape
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
