you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
