We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
