I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize