There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
