Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
