I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
