the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
