the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My balls are so social today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
