I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
