I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
