1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
