Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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