I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
