a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
