i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
