i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
