Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
