I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
