2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
