You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
