she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Even my vagina gasped.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
