If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
