I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
