his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wear drunk well.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
