there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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