Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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