I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
