C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
