when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
