I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
