there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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