I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
