We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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