I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize