I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
