Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
