I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
