if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
