In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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