we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
