YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
