At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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