I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
