I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
