I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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