If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
