I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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