if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
