Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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