Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
