So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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