Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize