it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
