In the future we'll all be gay
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
