I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
