They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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