no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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