Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
