im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
