i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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