No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
